![]() ![]() The forest floorīugs! Honestly, this mostly just reminds me of that scene in The Lion King where a meerkat and a warthog convince an apex predator to eat bugs rather than them. Only slightly worse than watching an actual game of baseball, which is only slightly better than watching a game of cricket, which is much better than watching a game of social cricket, which is roughly as good as using Windows 95s through XP. Haunted house? This is barely a slightly disturbed house. This is just Scooby Doo and/or Hardy Boys concept art, slightly animated. Do you know what default is French for? “Settles for less than nothing.” (I don’t speak French.) 16. Your photos should not be your screensaver! They’re dumb and distracting. This is technically a Windows XP screensaver, but XP probably counts as “classic” now (if we’re using radio’s definition of “classic”), so it’s here. (If you’re thinking of a logo bouncing around, you’re thinking of a DVD player.) 18. Here’s hoping those potential Matrix spinoffs actually get off the ground.It’s all the classic PC screensavers, ranked from worst to best. Remember, the Matrix is a system and that system is our enemy, and that system may or may not run on Windows Millennium. The 1999 smash hit, The Matrix, inspired this cryptic “digital rain” screensaver. Splice in a couple of galaxies, some nebular remnants, add a dollop of two-dimensional goodness to taste and, my friend, you’ve got yourself a regular desktop hit. This gem stands as a true testament to the seemingly boundless joy human beings once experienced at the mere sight of just about anything glinting off of their monitors. With this digital aquarium, you can experience the same ephemeral, emotional benefits of a pet fish without the cleanup or a constant, electric drone echoing through your lonely apartment. Ocean floorĪs it turns out, this screensaver, much like the vast majority of the ocean floor, is relatively void of life. Behold MOPy fish, a blood parrot cichlid that individuals could feed and cherish - or not. With our lanyards and keychains already loaded with digital pets in varying degrees of neglect and malnourishment, we needed yet another for our desktop machines. MOPy Fish was the result of both screensaver fever and the short-lived digital pet craze of the late-’90s. We get to watch ol’ JC fish, exercise, build sand castles, and enjoy an oddly-formal dinner with a merbae, but is he ever rescued? You’ll just have to buy one of the original, 3.5-inch floppy disks (or download the screensaver) to find out. The screensaver illustrates a day in the life of Johnny Castaway, who is marooned on a deserted island with only a palm tree to hear his woes. Johnny Castaway was a staple in many repurposed “computer rooms” of the mid-’90s. Flying toastersĪfter Dark is a series of screensavers released by Berkely Systems, and the early packages included the popular Flying Toasters screensaver. Later variants even came loaded with all sorts of special features, like, you know, bagels. Note: If you watch long enough you will eventually collide with a portion of a debris field in a galaxy far, far away. You can watch 10 hours of Starfield here, if you’re so inclined. This spacefarer screensaver was ubiquitous at the turn of the Willenium, because nothing says “warp speed ahead” quite like a dial-up connection. You can alter speed and even add some shoddy graphics to go full-on bad batch at Bonnaroo, or even upload images from your media library and have a regular “this is your life” walkabout through a phantasmagoria of low-res images. Microsoft’s new mouse is made of 20% resin pellets, recycled from ocean plastic
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